soft spots

 

glasses

quiet boys

tulips

aphrodite

glasses

     -  quiet boy(s)

pink

~loneliness~

paper

earth

glasses quiet boy

virgo.

green

earth

quiet boy.

closeness. breath. intimate.

quiet (boy)

          (sigh)

musings #1

before the infatuation

echoes of you have not stopped resounding in my head ever since that night

It's like diving into a pool of delightful possibilities, the sweet waves reverberating with my being, and I feel pulled into thoughts of you, the quiet boy who carries that mysterious charm so well, so soft and tender like roses petals in my hair, and I cannot help but let myself to want to explore a little more deeper.

Louise Bourgeois, Untitled, from The Puritan 1990.

Your hands are cold.

When I was younger watching this specific scene would made my heart take flight and soar and yearn for something that was intangible to me at the time. There were a few guesses as to why I would feel this way, one of them which I suspected was because I got caught up in that particular golden hour (literally) where they finally found their ways to each other. This made it more hard given the trials they went through, not to mention the harsh judgements they harbored towards each other. Perhaps I too, wanted to find a love so intense that even during our worst moments we could still see who we really are.

Now though, I wish I could say that I still feel the same way watching this scene. Instead, the magic hour that was golden to me feels more like...peace. Like contentment. Look at that color, doesn't it give you a sense of calmness? Before, I was attracted to the golden hue of the scene. Now, I'm more in tune with the yellowness of it. Watching this scene this time around, I felt I was being enveloped into a moment of calamity. In my mind, instead of them feeling extreme intensity for each other I felt they were more at content with each other. Which to me feels more, more real.

1. Agnes Martin, Friendship, 1963.

2. A scene from Pride & Prejudice, directed by Joe Wright, adapted from Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice

Both images from tumblr.

Roots

• "This is your renewal, 

  this is your regrowth. 

  You may come into this softly 

  or bristling with thorns, 

  beneath the light of the sun 

  or the moon and the stars, 

  so long as you always remember 

  it is never too late 

  to return to the root of your heart

  and begin again."

It's like this. once your heart was a heavy one filled with so much sorrow and despair and in the beginning you wanted to deny it, to repel it away so you hid it underneath your skin, which then became too much for it that you physically started fading away, painfully.

When those dark moments come, remember there is always light. Light at the end of that endlessly long tunnel. its there waiting for you, you just have to let in the ugliness, feel away almost everything and breathe it out all the emptiness, pain, let it all out, for it's in your past and you'll never look back to that darkness.

and remember, it may come back, that darkness. it may revisit you time and time again but have hope for you will rise and become stronger for it. you just have to find it within you again that you want that light, that sparkle, you want it.

and when your heart is ready to (re)heal again, remember your heart is made up of strong muscles, which pumps blood endlessly to every space of your being, you will heal again. let your heart finds it's roots again and slowly arise from all the redness/darkness.

• "And like the moon, we must go through phases of emptiness to feel full again."

your heart will fill empty once in awhile but remember to sit with that feeling, explore it, before finally allowing yourself to be filled with what you deserve; loving yourself.

1.image from tumblr

2.Poem by Beau Taplin

Opus 37

Revert defines as returning to an earlier, less-developed condition. Pardon me for saying this, but in between those dark times that I’ve succumbed to, reverting back to my (10 years) earlier self (but more developed I hope) finds me clinging on to those parts of me that longs for something more. Back then I was yearning for something intangible, till now I’m not sure what it was. A deeper human connection? A place where I feel more emotionally connected? Contentment in life? I’m still unsure. But, remembering back to those glorious times when I was always searching for more, wanting for more in life, I’m sure of one thing. To slowly get to that feeling of being high on life.

image from tumblr